“A warm, engaging, deceptively simple tribute to innate wisdom. May we all learn from such loveable teachers.”
— Dennis Palumbo – screenwriter My Favorite Year, author the Daniel Rinaldi mysteries
“A beautiful, heartfelt, and entertaining book, that gives the reader a deep understanding of the profound relationship between the human psyche and the souls of the other animals with whom we share this planet.”
— Linda Buzzell, co-editor Ecotherapy – Healing with Nature in Mind
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- Reena asks: You know how it is to be a working woman. I am very dedicated to my work. My Bosses are very happy with my work. However, it has definitely harboured some kind of envy and jealousy among other team members in the team. Now I am quite a target and I’ve noticed, people do keep an eye on me. But there’s this one guy at work I’m genuinely fed up with and don’t know how to deal with it. I am a very simple person Shirelle. I come, work, make money and go home. I have very few friends at work and am very happy with them. But there’s this one twisted colleague at work who believes that all the success am achieving is through deceptive means. He has his own perception about me. Basically he has just assumed a lot. I am fed up with his indirect taunts and comments like, “Show me the Real You”. “Remove the mask when talking to me”. “I don’t get scared of anyone”. “She is fake”. The last time an email was sent to me and he started enquiring about that email which was obviously none of his business. I yelled at him because I had taken enough from him. I told him to stay out of my business. I have already sent an email to my Manager but no use. His behavior has worsened. I changed my place and now sit somewhere else and yesterday he came and sat in front of me. All my life I have felt vulnerable because I didn’t have a father growing up (my parents separated) and now I feel very vulnerable at work too.. Please advise.Hi Reena – Well, I can’t quite answer yes to that first statement of yours. I mean, I’m not a working woman – I’m just a dog with a hobby I adore! – but I’ve sure heard a lot about the problems working women go through, including harassment of ... read more
- Violet asks: I am a 12 year old boy. Is it normal I like to wear girl clothes? I like to wear girl things but I don’t know why. I wear my sister’s clothes. My sister is 8 years old. I wear her dresses and her underwear. No one knows I wear them but I feel bad about it. I sometimes wish I was a girl.Hi Violet – I’m glad you wrote me, because I have a very different take on this than most humans. You see, Violet, as a dog, I don’t care about anything in terms of the roles of boys and girls. For example, most female dogs squat whenever ... read more
- Johan-dad asks: Hello. I’m married, 2nd marriage, to a beautiful lady I’ll call C. She’s got just as beautiful little girl, M. I’ve been in C and M’s life for the past 3 1/2 years and we’ve been married now for just over 1 year. M, my stepdaughter that I love like my own, is 5 years old. C and M have this love-hate relationship, and I’m saying that because one minute they can love each other to bits and the next they scream and shout at each other like hateful teenagers. My question is not that simple, but I’m going to try and break it down to simplify. M sleeps in our bed as she refuses to sleep in her bed. Mom is saying that she doesn’t want to fight at night getting M to bed so she rather give M what she wants to keep the peace. However, when it’s long past sleeping time, M is still awake and mom is then fighting and screaming at M to sleep. I feel that the fighting and screaming at night is worse than telling the child to go to bed and letting her cry in her bed until she falls asleep, because she will learn to after a while. Unfortunately this is not an option and I’ve been told that I should stay out of their fights and mind my own business. If I do make mention of the fact that I feel it is wrong, then mom goes and sleeps in M’s bed and returns to ours during the night, and the next day all I hear is how bad it is sleeping in M’s bed. Now this is just one example and there is a lot more, but I would like to know what is my right as a step-parent and how do I deal with this. If my wife is unable to discipline, and I’m not talking about giving hidings or verbally abusing the child, how do I intervene and what is my responsibility? I feel that our, my wife and I, relationship is taking a big knock because of the fact that mom either fights with the child like she is her enemy or she gives the child her way to avoid a fight and I am sitting on the sideline seeing how they destroy each other and I can not do anything about it. My wife has even mentioned it that she considered to kill herself because she can’t handle M and life, but still she doesn’t want to allow me in that circle to help her. I don’t know what part of parenting is “allowed” from a stepparent’s perspective, and what should I do as a husband to get my wife to understand that I am not the enemy but can assist her if she allows me. I always try to be calm and not get involved too much, but sometimes I’ll come in the crossfire unwillingly. Please help me to understand my role where two people I love are falling into this pit and it feels like my hands are cut off.Hi Johan-dad – There are those who will tell you that you’re in a very common position for a step-parent. But I’ll tell you, you’re in an even more common place for a DOG! This is exactly the position we find ourselves in all the time – we ... read more
- Sphumelele asks: Remember the family friend I told you about? Well we’ve started and it has been awesome he’s a great guy but what recently broke my heart is that I saw recent pictures of him and his baby mama on Facebook declaring the love they have for each other. Now I don’t know where I stand. He doesn’t know that I’m the baby mama’s friend on Facebook. I asked him if they are still together or not but he dismissed it saying we’ll talk about it when we meet which is still 3 weeks away and it’s slowly breaking me. I want to know how do I go about finding the truth? The thought of him telling her that he loves her kills me slowly and I can’t handle it no more. How do I ask him this without seeming desperate? And also am I allowing guys take advantage of me? Am I the one allowing them to break or play with my heart?? Shirelle please help I’m so confused right now.Hi Sphumelele – Your situation is reminding me of a painful time soon after I first came to live with Handsome, my human. He had fallen in love with a woman who was involved with another man. At first they were just coworkers and friends, but eventually he and she got ... read more
- Paballo asks: I’m 21 years old and I have been dating my boyfriend for over 6 years. He is my first and since him I haven’t been involved with anyone. Things we going great for the first years, but as time went by he cheated continuously, and when I asked him why, he would turn the blame onto me. I was patient thinking he would realize how much I love him, but it got worse when he cheated on me with the same girl for the past 2 continuous years. Last year I then decided to break up with him. As hard as it was, I continued to be single for couple of months. Then, during December, I saw him by the club and we ended up having sex, and after then I thought things were working out. He then started to dig into what I was doing during the break up and found nothing. Then one time when we were chatting on social media he asked me if I had a thing for his cousin’s ex, and I tried to tell him that I did not. He continued to stress the fact that I had a thing for him, I felt cornered and I snapped out of anger and admitted something I didn’t do. I feel like he needed closure from our first break up, that that’s why he came back to me, and needed a reason to leave me. It is hard for me to accept and move on more, especially as he made me believe in us when I was already trying to cope. Please help coz this is affecting my college grades.Hi Paballo – I am so sorry about this! I wish I could just climb up onto you, put my paws on your knees, stare into your eyes and whine to say “I feel for you!” This is just so painful! So, first of all, I have ... read more
- Confused Asks: So, I’m not allowed to date. However, I didn’t listen and I am dating my current boyfriend. My dad said that it’s okay that we like each other, but nothing serious can happen until I’m 17. I’m about to be 15. He makes me happy, and just makes me a better person in general. However, because I’m not allowed to date, I can’t hang out with him alone; we have to hang out with friends. The problem is, I’m not friends with any guys that he knows. We both came from the same middle school, so it was easy to hang out; some of my friends would go, and some of his friends would go. We all knew each other. However, now that we’re in different high schools, things have changed. He doesn’t want to meet up if it’s just my friends and me (because he would be the only guy). And my dad wouldn’t like me to hang out with just him and his friends. The thing that’s so hard about this is that my dad barely knows my boyfriend. I previously went to a catholic school from Kindergarten all the way until 8th grade, but we moved to a different building in the 6th grade. Because of this, my parents aren’t really familiar with any of my friends that I made past the 6th grade. My boyfriend came in 7th grade. I feel like if he had been in the school longer, my parents would be okay with me hanging out with him and his friends. Also, I take school very seriously, and I put it before anything. I’m on the swim team and I’m in a lot of different clubs/programs, so it’s really hard to balance school with family and with him. I haven’t been giving him as much attention as I used to; we barely get to talk now. When we do talk, 70% of the time we’re arguing. Recently, he told me that he doesn’t want to be together anymore because I’m not giving him enough attention. (I used to text him 27/4, but recently my schoolwork and clubs haven’t been giving me enough time to spend all day texting him. We also used to hang out before we went to high school, but now our circles of friends are different. Now we barely hang out, too. I also never get to FaceTime/call him nowadays. So now he feels like I stopped giving him attention.) I told him that I can change and find a way to give him more attention. But the truth is, I’m not sure how. I was going to try to talk to my mom and get her to let my dad let me hang out with him alone, but I highly doubt that would work. I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. What should I do?Hi Confused – So I’m seeing one solution to both your problems. At least a bit of one. Now maybe this idea is awful, but just in case… Why not set up a time for your parents and your boyfriend and you to get together? Why not all ... read more
- 3Valentina3 asks: At school I feel like such an outsider. Or like an extra (like in the movies). I also don’t have the courage to tell my friend G that I don’t want to be friends anymore. I don’t know what to do and I’m feeling so upset. I would tell my mom but she wouldn’t understand and she would say something like, “just focus on school – you’re not there to make friends”. But if she understood then it would mean the world to me! How can I tell her what’s going on?Hi 3Valentina3 – Really, you’re asking me three questions. They’re all tied up together, but you’re trying to juggle three problems at once. And I relate to your difficulty with this – the best I’ve ever done with juggling is to have a tennis ball in my mouth and ... read more
- Roma asks: I am not part of a very good family relationship. My mother lost custody of me last year and I’ve been devastated ever since. I seem to have these breakdowns and anxiety every couple days or even more often than that. I have a decent life outside of home, but my grades aren’t great because I have no one who helps me with my homework. I get by with the whole homework situation fairly easily on my own, but now I seem to miss at least two homework or classwork assignments every single day. And I don’t even know the rules of my own school because when I started the school, my grandparents, whom I live with, just tossed the information we were given without acknowledging it. I intend to learn them, but am afraid to ask anyone what they are. I have ADHD and ADD and my hearing and sight are very bad. However, only my eyesight has even been thought about by my grandparents. I suffer from bad re-flux as well, and as you have probably guessed, they don’t care at all. But anyway, the question is: we have a field trip in May and my anxiety is so bad that I start hyperventilating at the thought of just about anything. The field trip is to the mountains. We’ll have fun I’m sure, but how do I prevent or reduce the effects of these serious breakdowns? I’ll be with thirty other sixth-graders, only three of them being my friends, and we are there for a week, 500 miles from where I live. I just don’t know what to do.Hi Roma – My friend, you are going through a LOT. I know, no one ever said life was supposed to be fair, but your situation is simply UNfair. I don’t know what your mom did or didn’t do to lose custody of you, but whatever it was was ... read more
- Linda asks: Hello Shirelle, My questions have to do with my little granddaughter . She will be 4 years old soon and I am concerned about her emotional development. All of her short life she has not slept in her own bed not once. Her father and mother never married and are now separated. She lives with her mother who is a very good mommy. My concern though is that she is not allowed to sleep alone in her own bed in fact her mom never used the crib or even converted it to the youth bed for her. She has no bed of her own at all. She can’t sleep by herself even when she visits her dad who has provided her with her own room and bed. When she visits me overnight she needs to have me right there with her. She has severe separation anxiety regarding her mother but as soon her mom leaves to work or out the door she’s calmed down. I sense something is not right but I am not sure. Is all this just normal?Hi Linda – When Handsome first brought me home, he read every book he could find about raising puppies. And while they had lots of different advice, one thing they all agreed on was that humans shouldn’t let puppies sleep on their beds, as it just creates problems. But Handsome ... read more
- Bye Bye Johnny …a philosopher of the joy of life…(Now you all know about Handsome, right? My human, the guy I live with, and who I love more than anything? And who loves me more than anything? Well, nothing’s changed about that, thank goodness. But of course, I’ve never been the only thing he loves. He has favorite ... read more
- Sonia asks: Hi just so you know, I have gotten over that boy I asked you about months ago! And also I am not the kind of girl who goes after any guy they see. Anyway back to the subject, basically I have had a crush on a sweet guy for about 4 and a half months and we are pretty close, but someone found out I liked him and told him (I had a HUGE breakdown!) And anyway I have the feeling that he isn’t gonna ever like me since my friends and him were talking and he said he only liked me as a friend and I’m happy with that but for some reason I just always get jealous when he seems more interested in my friend than me. But the strange part is I met my friend’s brother a few weeks back and yesterday I slept over at her house and hanged out with him, he was really cute sweet and reminded me of my old crush, and HE genuinely seemed interested in me and I have the feeling I’m falling for him and I don’t know what to do, try and become closer with my crush or become close with someone who I really like and even seem to have a better chance of liking than my crush will ever have of liking me?Hi Sonia – As I read this, it takes me back to my days in the pound, when I had been there longer than was supposed to be allowed (an employee there had been so nice as to hide my information from her boss, to keep me alive ... read more
- Deb asks: Really need help on this. How do I (age 61) not care about what my mom (age 90) thinks about my clothes. I love my clothes, I love where I buy them. I (age 61) have a certain style I wear: Underblouse (long sleeve blouse worn under my) OVERblouse: loose fitting sleeveless top and I only wear pants. I don’t wear skirts, dresses, tank tops or anything slutty. I purchased all my clothes from the three 99 cent stores where I live. And I always get compliments on what I wear from strangers. A few months ago I learned from a childhood friend that seven of our childhood friends passed on. All but one died of cancer. The one that didn’t die from cancer died of an infection that attacked her heart. Then on Sunday, February 19, 2017: I play the piano very well – playing since I was 12 years old. When I play my mom (age 90) knows I am going to play the piano because either I tell her or she is in the living room when I play. This past Sunday she was in her room and I didn’t tell her. I closed the door that separates the bedrooms from the living room/dining room area so I wouldn’t disturb her while she watched a show. Then after I stopped playing I went into her bedroom. I told her I am not playing any more today. She told me she thought the music was on TV, she didn’t realize I was playing. I played the day before that, so I got a little upset thinking she was putting down the other days I played and confronted her about that. So then a little tiff happened and out of the blue she mentioned my stomach issue I am having right now, which didn’t bother me, but she also thru out AIDS. I got mad at the AIDS part, because I knew what she was referring to which was when I found out four months ago that one of my childhood friends died of an infection she said that I shouldn’t buy my pants at the 99 cent stores – I could get AIDS. So when she referred to AIDS on Sunday I knew what she was referring to and I confronted her, and that is when she attacked my clothes. We had some fight. Yesterday I confronted her about what she had said about my clothes, and she told me she really doesn’t remember what she said, at first I called her a liar that she did remember but she claimed she really didn’t. Then when I confronted her one more time yesterday she put down my clothes saying they are dirty, you don’t know who wore the pants, you can get AIDS. We had some fight and I said a lot of horrible things to her. I don’t care if she doesn’t like my clothes, or my sense of style, I just don’t like her to put them down. BTW I hate the way she dresses. She wears jeans with a long sleeve blouse two or three sizes too small, or black pants (in the winter) and only beige or white pants in the summer with a Tee shirt.Hi Deb – I have some strong opinions on this issue (none of which have to do with dressing well; we dogs have no sense of style at all, which is why we are happiest running around naked or with just a collar!). But first I need to explain something ... read more
- Reena asks: Is it weird than more than 50% of my wardrobe is black? I’m not into black magic, I’m not evil, not depressed, not goth, not trying to hide my weight. I wear black, bcoz I love black. That’s it. But I’ve noticed how ppl stare at me and the looks on their faces. I mean, I don’t wear everything black all the time, I always do match it with other colours too, but they look at me like I’m some kind of a villain or something. Also, I’m from India, and ppl here are conservative. I hate being stared at, so how do I deal with the unwanted attention?Hi Reena – You might have heard the partial-truth that dogs don’t see color. Actually, we just don’t see hues; we see something like what you see in a black-and-white movie – so a similar shade of red and green look just the same to us. (I was ... read more
- miles asks: My biggest secret is I still wet my bed and I have to wear pull ups to bed. I don’t want to but I have to. Why do I still wet the bed? I worry people will find out. I never told anyone my secret before.Hi miles – I don’t know if there’s another issue that causes so much shame in humans as inability to control their bladder or bowels. I suppose it’s because parents put such importance on it in child-raising. There’s really no reason why it should be any more embarrassing ... read more
- arjai101 asks: Dear Shirelle, I feel like I’m delusional. I constantly seem to be coming up with arbitrary and false reasonings for claims I hope to be true. Particularly, this is true if I like someone. Or, If I hope they like me. Most of the time, I would never date the person. But, no one has ever liked me before or expressed any feelings for me outside of the delusions in my head. I feel like I make up things that have never happened or turn small things into things that are bigger. When in reality, it is impossible. I don’t know how to stop. Or, maybe I can’t stop because it’s easier to accept a bunch of self-constructed lies. It’s a little hard when everyone around you seems to have experienced some kind of romantic occurrence except you. Before, It kind of fit in with the whole awkward adolescent vibe. At this point, it is actually embarrassing. In addition to this, one of my delusions might be true or just another way of rationalizing it all. I feel like maybe I’m intimidating. Maybe, people are scared of me or I have RBF(Resting B—- Face). It’s not like I’m some broody loner in the corner. I’m extroverted. I love being around people. But if I like someone or if I’m hallucinating that they like me, I have this way of ignoring people. Not blatantly, I may have never uttered a word to them before. It’s kind of an instinct, to pretend like there not there. (Not look at them, acknowledge them etc.) I would talk to them. Sometimes, I do. It depends on the situation. For example, there is one person, who I never really talked to just because I guess I found them intimidating. And now, I would love to talk to them but it would seem so weird if I did because social dynamics are so set in stone at this point. I’ve had opportunities for small talk but I can hardly make a good impression as I lose words. It’s particularly those times I do the whole instinctual ignoring thing. Maybe they’re just as intimidated by me as I am by them? I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Or, how to stop doing the things that are screwing everything up? Or, am I just crazy? Anyway it goes, I need advice.Hi arjai101 – As a dog, I don’t think or talk much about the subconscious. Sure, I like to dream, and Handsome tells me I’m just ridiculously cute when I dream I’m chasing a lion or fighting a polar bear, and my feet run and my mouth twitches, sometimes even ... read more