“A warm, engaging, deceptively simple tribute to innate wisdom. May we all learn from such loveable teachers.”
— Dennis Palumbo – screenwriter My Favorite Year, author the Daniel Rinaldi mysteries
“A beautiful, heartfelt, and entertaining book, that gives the reader a deep understanding of the profound relationship between the human psyche and the souls of the other animals with whom we share this planet.”
— Linda Buzzell, co-editor Ecotherapy – Healing with Nature in Mind
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- roshini asks: My boyfriend is a male chauvinist; he never understands my feelings and perspectives. I don’t like breaking relationships and so I thought to adjust with him, but later on I couldn’t, and we had lots of fights. He has trust issues with me. He is afraid to marry me since we are from different religions. Now I need to decide what to do – to be in this kind of relationship or to leave him!Hi roshini – Have you ever heard of John Gray? He wrote a famous book called Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and a number of sequels to it. At one point, he wrote about the question of whether couples should share interests, or have an “opposites ... read more
- Tshilidzi asks: I have a boyfriend and we have been dating for 8 months now. 2 months into our relationship he was way too busy for me and even canceled our dates. I knew he was a busy man before dating him, but I thought he’d compromise for me. I was so lonely and sad cause he reminded of my failed relationships and felt as if I didn’t deserve to be happy. I am a student, and where I school there is a lecturer, and for 3 years now we have been pretending to be a fake couple. All of a sudden it became real for both of us – and he is married. He is funny and gives me so much attention and is always around me. He made me forget about all my troubles. I dumped my boyfriend and he was there for me. Ended up taking him back after countless apologies and things have been perfect ever since. Problem is that now I’ve got deep feelings for my instructor and he even kissed me. I try to forget about him but I can’t and I know it’s wrong. I would tell myself that I’m not gonna entertain him anymore but the moment I see him I go crazy. The connection I have with him is something I have never felt before and he is also battling with me . He can’t stay away from me. And he is in a risk of getting fired and me being punished and my boyfriend is also doing the same course as me and I’m afraid he will find out. I don’t know what to do cause I’ve never been in this situation and I don’t know how to handle it. Please help me. I don’t want to be a reason why another woman is sad but I just can’t help myself, I am so deep in love with him. I can’t even stay away from him; also we are always looking for each other around the whole school and we talk every day. Some students have even noticed our change of hearts. He has been married for 2 years and has no kids with the woman, but has 2 from his previous marriage. He is older than me by 25 but looks very young. Please help meHi Tshilidzi – Wow, Tshilidzi, there is so much going on here, it’s hard to know where to start! But really, everything you wrote comes down to two things. First, there’s a guy you’ve been dating who is so busy he makes you feel unimportant. And second, you’re ... read more
- PERFECTION asks: Shirelle, is death the answer to all problems and sadness in life? I’ve always wanted to shut myself off to the world. I’m in pain for far too long and I think that’ll be the only way to maybe at least get over the pain.Hi PERFECTION: Quick answer to your question: No. Absolutely not, no way, impossible, forget it. Now, now that I’ve said that, let me make one exception. If you had a terminal disease, and were in constant awful pain, and only had a short time to live, it’s ... read more
- Tasmyne asks: I just recently got married to someone I’ve been dating for 10 years. We were living together. I also just had a baby who is 4 months old. My husband has this thing that every weekend he is out with his buddies. I am still on maternity leave and am home all day. I have a nanny who also helps me. I hardly see my husband during the week, and when I do he is constantly tired (as he owns his own business) or he is on the phone conducting business. If he is not doing that, then he is at the gym and when he is done gyming he tends to go chill with his friends. My problem is that he sees his buddies every day during the week, and then on the weekend he is with them. He doesn’t seem to realize that he never spends time with his family. So I thought I would suggest a date night. Since my daughter is a little older now. I suggested we have date night once every 4 months at least just so we can have some time together. The response I got from him was “Who are we going to leave the kids with (we also have a 7 yr old son),” because he can’t leave the kids with his mom all the time. My issue is that it will be once every 4 months and I was also going to ask my mom. Or if I really needed a baby sitter I would pay my nanny overtime to stay the night as she only works days. As I write to you now it’s 2 am and he is still out with his friends. Tomorrow morning he will be too tired to eat breakfast with us. He will probably wake up after lunch and be gone again. I have no idea what to do. I feel so alone and fat and unattractive because all I see is a husband who doesn’t want to spend time with me or his kids. A few weeks ago he stayed out all night. I woke up at 7 am and he still was not home. After telling me he will be home at 2 pm. I tried calling him but his phone was off. I tracked his car to a hotel parking lot. I could not leave my kids to go searching for him as it was my nanny’s day off. I asked his brother to go check it out for me. This was the day he was supposed to take the kids on a safari. He apparently got so drunk he passed out and one of his friends who is the boss of the security guards at this hotel drive his car there so it would be safe. And his other friend was supposed to drive him home, but instead his friend drove him to his place where he passed out on the couch. He only contacted me at 10 am that day. I was so angry I took myself and my kids to my mom’s place. I still can’t get past that day as I seriously think he cheated on me, as the whole story doesn’t add up. I don’t know what to do.Hi Tasmyne – I get a lot of letters, as you know, and very often they have mistakes in them. Misspellings, typos, or even flat-out wrong words. That’s fine; I just clean them up to make them more readable before I post them. So when you said that ... read more
- PERFECTION asks: What does it mean to “never beg to be loved”?Hi PERFECTION – My friend, your asking me this question is like asking me what it means to fly, or to walk on two legs. It’s something I know exists, but it sure doesn’t apply to me! The best illustration I can give of this concept is cats, ... read more
- Kavita asks: I got married one and half years back. My husband is very good person by heart, but when he gets angry he’ll act like a demon. Once, for no good reason, we fought, and he beat me up and left home and blocked me from everywhere. Then one day out of frustration I cheated on him (meaning I kissed a guy and he also kissed me) and now my husband found out about this and is asking for a divorce. I don’t know what I should do?Hi Kavita – I don’t know enough about the earlier part of your marriage to say anything super-intelligent, but it sure sounds to me like this relationship has run its course. First, I am not a fan of men who beat women up. I love a good fun ... read more
- Ojisan asks: I have a crush on a girl, and I thought she liked me too because I openly flirted with her about making her my girlfriend and she used to say “we’ll see.” Finally I proposed to her but she rejected me. Normally most people would avoid each other after this but she is still close to me. Whenever I joke about my confession to her she says that everything takes time and one should know the person really well before coming into a relationship. I still like her but I’m confused. Is she hinting to me to take my time, or am I just overthinking too much and should just be friends?Hi Ojisan – People love to talk about the differences between cats and dogs. Now of course you and I know that cats are awful and stinky and need to be chased, right? Right? (Okay, okay, I know, they deserve freedom and happiness just like anyone else, and I ... read more
- The Wrong-Turn Lizard …how to live life in the moment…Just today, just a few minutes ago, my human friend Handsome went outside his house, to check if the mail had arrived. I walked out with him, as I usually do. And as we were walking back in, a very small lizard stepped inside, through the doorway. Handsome pulled me ... read more
- Casmir asks: Hey, hope I will get help and won’t be judged. I am gay and I have been in a discordant relationship with my boyfriend for the last six months. He loved me the way I am, though he came to know my HIV status before I could tell him, but he later was okay with it and loved me unconditionally. Well my viral loads have not been good of late and I was given three months to do the next one (this month was the last month) but lately I came to realize that I was not the problem; I have been taking the wrong medication for one year now and that is why my viral load went high. I was depressed and felt frustrated. On Sunday I called my boyfriend. He was at work. I told him how I felt, and he told me he is coming to see me. In a few minutes time he was at my place, so I shared how I felt, but what he said shocked me. He told that he feels like he is now at risk of getting HIV and he doesn’t want the relationship anymore. I was so emotional that I couldn’t help it. He later went back to work. I was so depressed, hurt and in pain that I texted him, and later at night he called me and told me that he wants us to be friends, that nothing is gonna change apart from the intimacy part. I tried to stop him from making the decision but he said we should try it. I am not comfortable with the friendship thing, since it will hurt me more knowing that he is not my boyfriend but we still hang out together. I just don’t know what do. I am hoping that he will change his mind later on and decide to be together; maybe this was too much for him to take in, or is it because he is undergoing so much pressure at his work place that he just wants to break up (since we were on a relationship break we had finished one week). I am confused and desperate. Please help.Hi Casmir – I’m in a very difficult position here. On one hand, you’ve dealt with a lot of unpleasant issues – you were born with a quality that a lot of the world stupidly and unfairly rejects, you got a terrifying medical condition, and you have been “friend-zoned” by ... read more
- confusedafgirl asks: I have had many boyfriends and I always thought, “ok this is love.” But I truly fell in love with a guy who was my best friend for two years and we really shared every minute with each other. But then, due to some problems, he left me and started dating another girl. He came back, but I wanted commitment, so he left again and dated some other girl. Now I was alone, no friends and nothing, and then a boy entered in my life making me happy, and everyone says how perfect we are together – even after six months he hasn’t made me cry. We solve everything perfectly, but now this ex of mine has been drunk-calling me for four months, and he’s too depressed, and he doesn’t have any friends, and he wants me back. I know I should be with my current boyfriend, but I always miss my ex too, and I had promised him that I’ll always be there for him, and I don’t break promises, but now I don’t want to hurt my current boyfriend too. In between many things had happened. Before my ex I was raped, and he helped me move past that, but when he left I tried killing myself (after that I went for sessions and now I’m okay). But now my ex is depressed in the same way and I don’t want him to do anything stupid. Please help me. I’m really confused.Hi confusedafgirl – Okay, I have a long answer to part of your question, but let me move past this other part first. You promised a guy who broke up with you twice, for other girls, that you’d always be there for him? That promise is NULL AND VOID! ... read more
- Ashima17 asks: I am the mother of two kids – a nine-year-old son and a one-year-old daughter. I am worried about my elder one; his behaviour is very rude to me. Maybe because I always scold him for studies in front of people He said, “My mother does not love me anymore, every time she hits me, she used wrong words to me.” I agreed that I am doing all this, because he doesn’t want to sit for studies. He always misbehaves, he never listens me. I am worried what to do how to handle him and get him mannered and disciplined.Hi Ashima17 – There’s a lot going on here, and I probably don’t know a lot of it, but I can tell you the bit I see. And really it comes down to two things. First of all, although there’s a really large age difference between your ... read more
- Outcast asks: I chickened out on asking the girl I like to be my girlfriend. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just need an idea on how to tell her. Do you have any idea I can use?Hi Outcast – I hardly ever disagree with things people say when they ask me questions, but in your case I’m inclined to. You say you “chickened out,” and that there’s something wrong with you. But from what you’ve written me before, it sounds like there were lots ... read more
- PERFECTION asks: I’m the kind of person full of positive vibes. I always tell myself “I can do it” regardless what it is, as long as I believe in myself. Not only to myself but I’m also injecting positivity to people I know and to everyone who needs it. Sometimes I also tend to give ideas that could help them see things the other way around. I’m not actually a seer though, I’m just trying to help them; they may never do what I did, but who am I to judge. Everyone has its own different pathways in life. I always wonder, being a positive person like me, defying all the negativity in life, all those words I hear like “you can’t do it” and “it’s impossible” seem to give me even more courage to push through. So what do you think is my greatest weakness?Hi PERFECTION – Well as you can guess, you’re talking to a mirror here. I’m very much that positive spirit too, and have this website just so I can give that to others. Which leads me to ask… why do you even need to know what your “greatest ... read more
- Tayo asks: I have a guy that likes me, and I like him too. But he doesn’t want to date me (and I feel the same way). But anytime I’m with a guy or he’s with a girl, we get jealous. He said he is tired of girls’ issues. (I have a long time crush. That’s why I can’t date him.) What can we do about it?Hi Tayo – So it sounds to me like you’re best friends, one of those pairs of best friends that’s almost like a married couple, but without the romantic/dating part. So even though you want a romance (with the person you have the crush on) and he says he’s ... read more
- Danish asks: I love a girl, and she is my best friend. 9 months ago I said I like her but she told me we will meet later or I will think later. But when I deeply told her my feeling she got scared and told me that she doesn’t like me. Then everything get normal and we talked normally like before. But 8 days ago she told one of our best friends that she will never accept my proposal in future, that she only wants to be besties with me. She told one of our friends that she never wants to marry.So what should I do?Hi Danish – As I started to read your letter, I got a bad feeling in my stomach, that your “bestie” is rejecting you because she’s not attracted, and I know that hurts a lot. But then I got to the end, and felt a lot better. ... read more