paytay143 asks: I’m 18, and about to be a sophomore in college. And I don’t even know where to begin. I came to you once for advice about an issue with my boyfriend and it really helped so much. So now I’m here again. But this time, the issue I’m having revolves around my parents. You see, my parents are in the middle of a very nasty and ugly divorce. It started really in the fall of last year. So not exactly great timing for me, as things between my parents escalated right as I was starting my first year of college. You see my dad is somewhat of a functioning emotionally abusive alcoholic. And he has never once treated my mother the way she deserves to be treated. I could go on and on about how horrible it was to be around him most of the time, but to sum it up, being at my house, it was like walking on eggshells around him. Even the slightest thing would set him off. Then he’d scream and yell and blame us and then go out and get wasted with his friends. Then he’d come home and just be awful to all of us. My mom has tried to leave him TWICE. But stayed with him for the sake of my sister and I. Well eventually sometime this past December, my dad moved out. Things were great at my house. My mom, my sister and I were all getting along awesome and everything was great. We were like our own cute little sorority house. Then dad started getting nasty and saying awful things to our friends and family about my mom. He called her horrible names and even said he wished she was dead. When my sister and I confronted him about this, he denied everything. And things kept getting uglier and uglier. At this point, this whole ordeal is a rollercoaster. Some days are fine and everyone is civil. And some days my father is just an awful person and says horrible things and then tries to manipulate us into thinking he’s a victim and that everything is my mom’s fault. At this point I just want this all to be over. I’m just waiting for the day that this divorce is final, but my father is doing everything in his power to prolong the ordeal. And now he is threatening to push the sale of our house. Yep. My father is basically trying to kick my mom, my little sister and I out of our own home. And apparently there’s a 50/50 chance that he’ll get away with it. He has constantly ruined so many things for me. He ruined my first year of college, he scarred a good part of my childhood because he was drunk for a good 75% of it, and now he’s trying to take my home away. And I can’t help but feel like this divorce is my fault. That me going to college, and working so much, and having a boyfriend and not being around so much, created problems. It wasn’t always bad around my home, ya know? Sure there were bad days, but my dad had a lot of good days too. He’s a goofball and he made us laugh and he loved to be outdoors and do something cool. But in this case, that little amount of good wasn’t enough. And I can’t help but feel like I’m to blame sometimes. Like I could have done more to help. And throughout this whole year I have let so much guilt and anger and sadness consume me and I really sucked at my first year of college. I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed everyone around me; my mom, my dad, my sister, my boyfriend, my friends, my family. And I feel like I’m not good enough for them and that I don’t deserve any of them. And I have never felt more useless, pathetic, and alone. I have no idea how to make things better for myself. I have no idea even if things will ever get better. I had an enormous breakdown last night and I needed someone to talk to and no one was around. I felt all of these crazy thoughts and feelings and I even almost called a suicide hotline but didn’t because I felt pathetic. I am so lost and I don’t even know what to do to move forward. I’m not even sure if you can help me, but I just need someone to tell me something that isn’t just “oh don’t worry everything will be okay.” And I guess that’s it. I could go on and on but I’d probably just be repeating myself.

paytay143 asks: I’m 18, and about to be a sophomore in college. And I don’t even know where to begin. I came to you once for advice about an issue with my boyfriend and it really helped so much. So now I’m here again. But this time, the issue I’m having revolves around my parents. You see, my parents are in the middle of a very nasty and ugly divorce. It started really in the fall of last year. So not exactly great timing for me, as things between my parents escalated right as I was starting my first year of college. You see my dad is somewhat of a functioning emotionally abusive alcoholic. And he has never once treated my mother the way she deserves to be treated. I could go on and on about how horrible it was to be around him most of the time, but to sum it up, being at my house, it was like walking on eggshells around him. Even the slightest thing would set him off. Then he’d scream and yell and blame us and then go out and get wasted with his friends. Then he’d come home and just be awful to all of us. My mom has tried to leave him TWICE. But stayed with him for the sake of my sister and I. Well eventually sometime this past December, my dad moved out. Things were great at my house. My mom, my sister and I were all getting along awesome and everything was great. We were like our own cute little sorority house. Then dad started getting nasty and saying awful things to our friends and family about my mom. He called her horrible names and even said he wished she was dead. When my sister and I confronted him about this, he denied everything. And things kept getting uglier and uglier. At this point, this whole ordeal is a rollercoaster. Some days are fine and everyone is civil. And some days my father is just an awful person and says horrible things and then tries to manipulate us into thinking he’s a victim and that everything is my mom’s fault. At this point I just want this all to be over. I’m just waiting for the day that this divorce is final, but my father is doing everything in his power to prolong the ordeal. And now he is threatening to push the sale of our house. Yep. My father is basically trying to kick my mom, my little sister and I out of our own home. And apparently there’s a 50/50 chance that he’ll get away with it. He has constantly ruined so many things for me. He ruined my first year of college, he scarred a good part of my childhood because he was drunk for a good 75% of it, and now he’s trying to take my home away. And I can’t help but feel like this divorce is my fault. That me going to college, and working so much, and having a boyfriend and not being around so much, created problems. It wasn’t always bad around my home, ya know? Sure there were bad days, but my dad had a lot of good days too. He’s a goofball and he made us laugh and he loved to be outdoors and do something cool. But in this case, that little amount of good wasn’t enough. And I can’t help but feel like I’m to blame sometimes. Like I could have done more to help. And throughout this whole year I have let so much guilt and anger and sadness consume me and I really sucked at my first year of college. I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed everyone around me; my mom, my dad, my sister, my boyfriend, my friends, my family. And I feel like I’m not good enough for them and that I don’t deserve any of them. And I have never felt more useless, pathetic, and alone. I have no idea how to make things better for myself. I have no idea even if things will ever get better. I had an enormous breakdown last night and I needed someone to talk to and no one was around. I felt all of these crazy thoughts and feelings and I even almost called a suicide hotline but didn’t because I felt pathetic. I am so lost and I don’t even know what to do to move forward. I’m not even sure if you can help me, but I just need someone to tell me something that isn’t just “oh don’t worry everything will be okay.” And I guess that’s it. I could go on and on but I’d probably just be repeating myself.
Hi paytay143 –   So first of all, I want you to look at a post I have on the AskShirelle website, about when divorces are the kids’ fault.  It was submitted by MyrnaFan1.  Please read it first.   . . . . .   Okay.  Did you cheat and ... read more
Published on 2017-07-28