Chica asks: I was really working on myself this past month. I made progress. I gave my final semester and was feeling really good about everything. I am also planning on changing my diet and I have been going to the gym regularly. But there is this one thing that bothers me a lot. One of my friend’s mom is suffering from cancer. It was detected 6 months ago, but she never told anything about it to anyone. A few days ago she texted my another friend and told her everything, as their families are kinda close. She also told her to inform me about her mom’s condition as she can’t go through that pain of informing people again and again. I was numb. I was so shocked and I am really worried about her. We were not exactly close and we weren’t talking much these past few months. I feel really guilty because I was unable to see her sadness under her happy facade. She always seemed calm and content in school. One could never imagine that such things have happened. Shirelle I finally gained courage and spoke to her today. The moment I heard her voice, I knew she was completely broken from inside. I didn’t know what to say except “I am here for you, always” and “You have to stay strong around your mother, you have to be her strength.” She cried for a few minutes. But somewhere I was out of words. I told her that I am here whenever you need me. I asked her if she wants to vent or cry some more, or wants to stay silent. She said she wants to hang up and stay alone for a while. I understood and told her again that I am one call away. Shirelle I don’t know how to face her. It’s a really really difficult phase for her. I can’t even imagine the amount of pain she feels. I really want to be there for her. But I don’t know how I should approach her. Whether I should check on her every few days, take her out so that she relaxes, and also I don’t know what is the right thing to say to her, or is it right to just listen and not to say anything. I am really really worried about her and her mother. Please tell me how I should talk to her because I am afraid of saying anything that would add up to her pain or make her feel worse.

Chica asks: I was really working on myself this past month. I made progress. I gave my final semester and was feeling really good about everything. I am also planning on changing my diet and I have been going to the gym regularly. But there is this one thing that bothers me a lot. One of my friend’s mom is suffering from cancer. It was detected 6 months ago, but she never told anything about it to anyone. A few days ago she texted my another friend and told her everything, as their families are kinda close. She also told her to inform me about her mom’s condition as she can’t go through that pain of informing people again and again. I was numb. I was so shocked and I am really worried about her. We were not exactly close and we weren’t talking much these past few months. I feel really guilty because I was unable to see her sadness under her happy facade. She always seemed calm and content in school. One could never imagine that such things have happened. Shirelle I finally gained courage and spoke to her today. The moment I heard her voice, I knew she was completely broken from inside. I didn’t know what to say except “I am here for you, always” and “You have to stay strong around your mother, you have to be her strength.” She cried for a few minutes. But somewhere I was out of words. I told her that I am here whenever you need me. I asked her if she wants to vent or cry some more, or wants to stay silent. She said she wants to hang up and stay alone for a while. I understood and told her again that I am one call away. Shirelle I don’t know how to face her. It’s a really really difficult phase for her. I can’t even imagine the amount of pain she feels. I really want to be there for her. But I don’t know how I should approach her. Whether I should check on her every few days, take her out so that she relaxes, and also I don’t know what is the right thing to say to her, or is it right to just listen and not to say anything. I am really really worried about her and her mother. Please tell me how I should talk to her because I am afraid of saying anything that would add up to her pain or make her feel worse.
Hi Chica – Oh I love your heart!  And I imagine your friend and her mother both do too. I find that there are three, or I guess four, ways humans show emotion.  The one I wasn’t thinking of was to just show nothing at all, to be “too cool.”  ... read more
Published on 2019-05-18